Perfect Dark Vs. Oni
by gamer-and-a-half
Summary: goofy but not unusual coming from a person like me. which game is better?


Oni Vs. Perfect Dark  
  
by:  
  
gamer-and-a-half  
  
disclaimer: Perfect Dark, Oni, and the characters, items, and soundtrack of the games are owned by Nintendo and Bungie. don't get the games mixed up! Oni belongs to Bungie. see? it rhymes. Oni, Bungie. ha ha. Perfect Dark is the property of Nintendo. i think Nintendo might be sharing Elvis with George Lucas. you know, that whole Yoda voice thing.  
  
it all comes down to this. which game is better? i know. it's tough decision. let's see what Konoko and Joanna think.  
  
  
  
The year is... well, it's not too far in the future. Cars can fly through the air, over 70% of the Earth is polluted, the government knows everything, and all that good stuff.  
  
[Cut to a car chase scene! Whee! (these cars are on the ground)]  
  
~Screeeeeeeeeeee! Kablooey!~  
  
Konoko steps out of her car and points her Campbell Equalizer Mk4 at the crashed vehicle.  
  
Konoko: "I know it's you again. Come on out, and let's settle this once and for all."  
  
The door of the wrecked car opens and Joanna Dark hops out!  
  
Joanna: "I agree. But this time, we should get some help, so we don't get a tie again."  
  
After the proper arrangements are made, two groups of people (some of them aren't "people" people, if you know what I mean) meet at an unkown location, which could be anywhere, since so far, no locations have been mentioned. Still with me? Good.  
  
Let's get ready to rumble!  
  
On the Perfect Dark Team- Joanna Dark, Daniel Carrington, Trent Easton, Cassandra De Vries, the Skedar Leader, and of course, Elvis! *cheering, clapping, screaming*  
  
On the Oni Team- Konoko, Commander Griffith, Barabas, the Mysterious Black Ninja Guy, Muro, and of course, Shinatama! *cheering, clapping, screaming*  
  
Both teams stare each other down for ten minutes like in a certain popular anime and finally Joanna and Konoko step forward.  
  
Konoko: "Oni is cooler because the story is more complex than Perfect Dark's!"  
  
Joanna: "The weapons are better in Perfect Dark!"  
  
Konoko: "Well, there are more close combat moves than a simple punch in Oni!"  
  
Joanna: "You can carry more than one weapon in Perfect Dark!"  
  
Konoko: "You can pick up hyposprays and increase your strength in Oni!"  
  
Joanna: "Oh, yeah!? You can... carry more than one weapon in Perfect Dark... No! I'm out!" *pulls out a Devastator*  
  
~Doosh! Kablooey!~  
  
Konoko: "Feel better?"  
  
Joanna: "Yeah!"  
  
Joanna walks back to her team and Daniel Carrington steps up.  
  
Daniel: "I trust Joanna."  
  
[Commander Griffith hangs his head]  
  
Konoko: "Uh... wait a second..."  
  
Daniel: "You had five... now you have one... time's up."  
  
Konoko: "No way! That's not fair!"  
  
Daniel: "You know what they say... all's fair in war, and... war."  
  
Konoko joins her team, and Griffith confronts Carrington.  
  
Griffith: "I can fight."  
  
Daniel: "Pass."  
  
The entire PD team shakes their heads and Trent Easton faces off with Griffith.  
  
Trent: "Perfect Dark is a cooler game 'cause I've got a golden Magnum."  
  
Griffith: "I've got a stun gun."  
  
Judges: ~Beep!~ "We're sorry, your comeback must sound cooler than your opponent's. You sre disqualified, Commander Griffith."  
  
Trent grins and Barabas clomps over in his armor.  
  
Barabas: "Wave Motion Cannons are better than golden Magnums!"  
  
Trent: "At least the golden Magnum can kill a person with one shot!"  
  
Barabas: "What if I body slammed you into the ground right now, eh? I could bench press you from now till Doomsday, what do you think of that!?"  
  
Trent runs away screaming. Cassandra takes his place.  
  
Cassandra: "I own an entire corporation that works with evil aliens!"  
  
Barabas: "Muro is in charge of the Syndicate..."  
  
Judges: ~Beep!~ "We're sorry, your comeback cannot involve another character. It must be about yourself, or something about the game in general. You are disqualified, Barabas."  
  
Barabas stomps back to his teammates. The Mysterious Black Ninja Guy dives into the fray.  
  
MBNG: "The villains are cooler in Oni!"  
  
Cassandra: "The villains are smarter in Perfect Dark!"  
  
MBNG: "I have a cool Darth Vader-like voice!"  
  
Cassandra: "So does Mr. Blon... Shiznet."  
  
Cassandra is disqualified and the Skedar Leader takes her place.  
  
Skedar Leader: "*Snarl, growl, shriek*"  
  
MBNG: "Oh, yeah? Well, eat this!"  
  
The Mysterious Black Ninja Guy attacks the Skedar Leader. MBNG is disqualified and the Skedar Leader is sent to the nearest medical facility that supports Skedar, which, sadly, just happens to be Area 51. Muro has mysteriously disappeared. Elvis and Shinatama, the last two opponents, face each other, and not knowing whose turn it's supposed to be, both blurt out at the same time:  
  
"The music in our game is way cooler!"  
  
The competition ends with a tie. Both teams plod slowly home, the question still burning like an eternal flame in their minds...  
  
"Which game is better!?"  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
well, i'd call it one of my better works. i could care less if you didn't like it, but it would make my day if i got good reviews.  
  
Thank You Section: Snickers, Butterfingers, Nintendo, Bungie, Rare.  
  
Special Thank You Section: Devastators, Mercury Bows, Power of Seven, and whoever wrote the music for PD.  
  
gamer-and-a-half 


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